Twas the night before Xmas
by Pricat
Summary: When Santa puts all good ogres on the Naughty list, Shrek is angry and decides to invent their own Santa Ogre Claus and give others the Christmas they deserve but the Ogre Protection Unit are on their tail....
1. The Naughty List

Twas the Night before Xmas 

A/N- This was inspired after listening to a lot of Relient K's Christmas music. It's about Shrek trying to up the balance of the Christmas thing because Santa has put all the good hearted ogres on the Naughty list and this is his idea of rebelling.

It was three days until Christmas Eve and Snowgre was working at the North Pole. When he saw the Naughty and Nice lists, he freaked. All the good ogres including him and his cousin Shrek were on the Naughty list.

"_This can't be right. St Nick must've made a mistake but I've a feeling he hasn't. This isn't fair!" _he thought as he went to his cousin's swamp.

Meanwhile Shrek was decorating the swamp with his family when he saw Snowgre appear. He was wearing his elf suit. Shrek noticed the teen looked worried. "What's wrong? You look… like Santa didn't bring you anything." Shrek told him. "Yes and other ogres like us who've been good will look the same way on Christmas moening. St Nick put good hearted ogres on his Naughty list even you and me. All the humans are on the Good list. What do you think of that?" Snowgre told him. Shrek was angry. "We'll just have to fix that, won't we?" he replied with an evil glint in his eye. "I'm coming to the North Pole with you. I have a plan. Since Santa won't give good hearted ogres the Christmas they deserve, we'll just give it to them!" he explained to him.

"This isn't such a good idea but I know your heart's in the right place." Snowgre replied as they vanished. Shrek smiled as they walked into where Santa's sleigh was kept. "Are you sure we habe to take Santa's spare sleigh?" Donkey asked them. "It has to be done. Ogre Claus can't deliver presents without a sleigh. Snowgre get me the Naughty list. Artie take care of the elves." Shrek answered as he dressed in Santa's spare suit.

The elves were scared because of these intruders. Shrek then watched as Snowgre was setting up a trap to catch Santa but not hurt him. Puss and Donkey then loaded the presents into the sleigh and got in beside Shrek and Artie. Shrek watched as the sleigh was driven by dragons. "To the swamp!" he yelled as the sleigh took off… Fiona was surprised to see a sleigh land in the sleigh. "What're you guys doing with Santa?" she asked Artie. "It's okay honey. Just call me Ogre Claus. You see Santa put good guys like Snowg and me on his Bad list and this a little payback." Shrek told her. The triplets then reached out for their father.

Only Snowgre was having a conniption fit Shrek's plan was going to cost him his job. He hadn't thought of that while agreeing to Shrek's scheme. "Are you okay?" Fiona asked him. "No I'm not! We're gonna get busted, Ogres will still be on the Naughty list no matter what we do and I'll lose my job." Snowgre told her freaking out. Shrek then sucker punched him in the jaw. "Will ya calm down? We're not gonna get caught, okay?" he told the teen. He then calmed down.

"I'm sorry, okay? I tend to get freaked out about things." he answered. "It's okay man Santa won't catch us." Shrek replied. But Santa was worried when he saw the state of the work shop. He then saw the OPU show up with their leader Mariott. "Do we have a deal? That way your holiday will be safe." Marriott asked smiling, "Fine but don't destroy my holiday." Santa told him. Mariott smiled. He was the leader of the Ogre Protection Unit. He smiled as he realised who'd done this. "You're so slayed Shrek." he said as his men went off in hot pursuit...


	2. Trouble at the North Pole

Twas the night before Xmas 

Ch 2

Fiona was a little worried. She knew her husband was trying to do a good thing but was worried especially when she heard Puss boasting about wrecking the workshop in the North Pole.

"_I need to speak to him before this goes any further. I want other ogres like us to have Christmas but not this way. I'd better talk sense into Shrek before he gets into trouble."_ She thought as she saw Shrek holding the triplets and hugging them.

"Hey honey you… look like someone put road kill in your stocking. Are you worried?" he said to her. "I am. I… know you want to bring the joy of Christmas to other ogres but this isn't the right way to go about it." She replied. "What do you mean? This is gonna be awesome! I can't wait to see the look on St Nick's face when the ogre community has Christmas and everything!" Shrek said.

"What I mean is going to the North Pole, trashing Santa's workshop, stealing his spare sleigh and clothes as well as the Naughty list. Those things are going to keep ogre kind on the Naughty list forever. I'm just saying that you need to show him we deserve Christmas instead of this!" Fiona yelled. The triplets started to cry and she picked them up. "Come on guys. Let's go to Grandma's castle where we'll celebrate Christmas legally." She said gently to them. "Honey come back!" Shrek yelled to her. Snowgre was under the sleigh attatching rocket boosters to the sleigh but stopped and got out.

"Snowg what're you doing? Get back under there and work your magic on the sleigh." he told the teen sternly. "Sorry but Fiona's right. This is the wrong way to go about it. I'm going with her." he said walking out of the house. Fiona smiled as Snowgre joined them as well as Artie. "Let me guess mutiny?" she said smiling. "Yep. We want Christmas for everybody but not this way. Do you mind if we go with you to your mother's?" Snowgre answered. "Sure. Maybe when he realises all of us are gone, Shrek'll come to his senses and abandon his plan." she replied as the triplets wriggled in her arms catching snowflakes.

Shrek saw that and sighed. He didn't want to ruin Christmas for anybody, he just wanted a little equality in the proceedings. He smiled sadly as he looked at a photo from last year. It made him smile rememembering that. "I'd better take this stuff back to the North Pole before Santa finds out. Maybe I can make it up to him." he told Puss sitting in the sleigh. "But senor what about giving your brethren the Christmas they deserve?" Puss asked him.

"Remember last year how I wanted Christmas to be perfect and I screwed it up with my anger but I fixed things? Right now it's not Christmas without my family so the ogre community will understand if Santa still has them on the Naughty list." Shrek told him as they took off to the North Pole. But the OPU were really trying to destroy Christmas and get rid of Santa. Mariott smiled as his men set up a trap for Santa that he'd just been caught in. Meanwhile Fiona sighed as she drank mulled wine and watched the snow fall outside with the triplets. "What's wrong honey?" Lillian asked her. "It's not Christmas without Shrek. Even the triplets are missing Daddy. He... tried to do something I didn't approve of. He's probably already going through with it right now." she told her as the triplets crawled over to her with a book. It was the Night before Christmas. "I can't." Fiona said sadly.

"Why not? You know it by heart. I'm sure Shrek won't mind." Snowgre told her. "You don't understand. They love this story and they love Daddy telling it with the part about Ogre Claus and giving the wife a good Christmas goose. I can't break the tradition." Fiona explained to him. One of the babies then pointed to a picture of Santa in the book. "Dada!" they said happily. Fiona smiled at them sadly. But then they heard loud chuckling as somebody came down the chimney. It was Shrek in his normal clothes with Puss in his Santa Claws outfit. "Hey honey you weren't going to tell that story for me, were you? You know I love telling it!" Shrek said to her kissing her. The babies then giggled as their father picked them up in a bear hug. "Hey sweeties! Would you like Daddy to read you that story?" he said tickling them gently and hearing them laugh. "Honey where's all the stuff you took from the North Pole?" Fiona asked him.

"Don't worry senora. We took the stuff back and repaired the damage to the workshop. Only Santa's in trouble. There's these guys called the OPU. They're gonna destroy Christmas and get rid of Santa unless we do something!" Puss explained. "That's awful! We've got to help him!" she said. "Yes we will but only I can get us there." Snowgre answered. Fiona noticed Shrek wasn't going with them. "I've done enough damage there. I'll stay and look after the kids." Shrek replied as the babies hugged him. But he had a reason not to go. The leader of the OPU was his father Mariott, an evil and twisted ogre. He hated his son since he was born that he left him in the forest when he was a few weeks old...


	3. Nearly Losing Hope

Twas the Night before Xmas 

Ch 3

Shrek was asleep with the babies in his arms but he could hear them whimpering as Mariott entered the room. "Wow. You had children. This is easier than I thought! Good babies come to Grandpa." He said softly. But the babies crying woke Shrek up.

He saw his father and freaked. "What're you doing here?" he yelled. "I'm getting revenge on the one mistake I created, you. I've got my grand kids and there's nothing you can do about it son." Marriott told Shrek laughing.

Seeing his kids locked in his psycho father's clutches made him angry but sad. A tear fell from his eye. "Wait. If it's me you want, take me. Just don't harm them. They're all that matters to me now." Shrek told him. "Fine I'll let them go. It's you I want. You see I've been jealous of you so I'm going to destroy your family until there's only you again and you're left haunted at night by the thought that you could've saved them." He told him as he gave him a black eye.

The babies reached out for their father but cried loudly. Somebody then came into the room. It was Snow White. "Hey angels. Your Daddy got took but don't worry, I'll go find Mommy!" she said to them sweetly. The babies gurgled happily at that as she picked them up and ran out of the castle.

Mariott had thrown Shrek into a dungeon in the North Pole along with Santa and Fiona. "_This is all my fault. I deserve to get hurt at that psycho's hands but not you Fiona. That would haunt me for ever more until the day I die." _He thought as tears ran down his face.

Fiona hugged him tightly. "It'll be okay honey. You'll see. We'll get out of here and stop that OPU guy." Fiona told him soothingly. St Nick was taken aback by this. He'd never seen an ogre show sadness or any type of emotion. "You guys don't understand. That guy is my.. father. He hates my guts and it's guys like him who should be on the Naughty list. He plans to hurt those I care about especially you Fiona. I can't let that happen. Because of me, something nearly happened to our triplets." Shrek told her crying. She understood that but had an idea. "What are these bars made of?" she asked Santa. "They're candt canes. Why?" he answered.

"We can get out of here by eating the bars and then all we have to do is take care of those guards of your father's." she explained as she and Santa began to eat through the candy cane bars. But Shrek hadn't bitten through any. She noticed he was depressed. She hated him like this. "We can do this. I know we can." she said to him. "Just leave me here and escape." Shrek said sadly.

It huer her to hear him like that. She them began to open her mouth to sing.

"I'm thinking of a song.

There is something that I see

In the way you

Look at me.

There's a smile, that's the truth in your eyes

What an unexpected way

On this unexpected day

It is you I have loved all along

Now there's no mystery

Now it's finally clear to me

It is you I have loved all along." she sang softly to him. That made him smile. Hearing their song made him feel better. He then began to eat through the candy canes until they'd broken out of the dungeon.

"Now comes the hard part." Shrek said as they were surrounded by OPU guards who were ogres clad in riot gear carrying cross bows and other weapons. Fiona assumed a karate stance at them. "Don't worry honey. We can do it." she told them as she karate kicked one of the guards in the private parts. Shrek laughed as he held a spear like a hockey stick and joined in...


End file.
